He was late. Of course he was late, he was always late, hadn’t that been one of her pet peeves? They’d already started with showing the video, he could hear a song playing. It was their special song, A Nightmare, as sung by Ink Dot Boy. Normal couples would’ve chosen a nice, tender love song as their special song, but they had never intended to be a normal couple.
   He finally knew the lyrics, after listening to it the entire afternoon and night, yesterday, when the funeral was over. She’d always known the lyrics, from the very start.
   He was curious about the video, he hadn’t had any idea what to expect when her mom had told him about it. The notary had called it her testament, but he was quite certain there wasn’t anything to be given away anymore. They day after she passed away her mom let him pick up all the things he wanted to keep from her, as she had wanted it to be. The rest belonged to her family. Apart from how to divide one’s belongings, he couldn’t think of anything else that would be in a testament.  
   It’s been five days now after she’d passed away, and it still hurt just as much. Of course it hurt, he hadn’t expected the pain to end within a few days, but still. He felt exactly the same as he did the moment she passed away. He’d never imagined it would be like that. And now he couldn’t imagine it wouldn’t be like that for the rest of his life. Everywhere he looked, he found something that reminded him of her. One of her little notes to tell him she’d stopped by while he was in the shower, the pillow she’d always slept on when she stayed at his place, even a pencil they’d used to write their songs: she’d always left bite marks on pencils.  How could it hurt less when everything around him screamed her name? When everything inside him screamed her name?
   Yesterday he’d found a map with all of their own-written songs. He’d write the lyrics and she’d come up with some nifty guitar tabs. Typical, usually it’s the other way around. He read the song on top, their self-called best ever.
  ‘You’re like a song I never thought I’d hear, let alone sing. You’re like a drug I never thought to get my hands on, let alone try. You’re all I ever wanted, and now I have you, you’re all I need. You and me babe, we can make it through. You and me babe, it’s all we need to know. You’re like a smile I’ve always dreamt of but never smiled before, like a laughter I always wanted to hear and now find myself laughing. You’re all I ever wanted, and now I have you, you’re all I need. You and me babe, we can make it through. You and me babe, it’s all we need to know.’
   He remembered the night they’d written that, it was the night they’d slept together for the first time. He smiled, remembering her confusion as she read the first lines. ‘I’m like a song?’, she’d asked. ‘Please, do explain that!’ And he’d told her he’d never even dreamt he would ever meet a girl like her, let alone he’d be able to do certain things with her. They’d laughed, it was a happy night. It was one of his fondest memories.
   He felt like crying as he walked into the room, but he pressed his tears away. Her mom and twelve-year-old sister were there and something inside him said he should be strong for them. Whatever it was, it was stronger than the tears. The girl jumped up and ran towards him. She pressed her face against his chest and he hugged her back, a bit uncomfortable. Normally she would never have done that, but then again, life wasn’t normal anymore. He kissed her mom on the cheek and sat down. He was only a second too late, her mom assured him. The video had just been started.
   He sat and watched. It was a video she’d made, during her last months. It showed her, with her family and with him. There was no sound, except for the song. Only a few whispered words could be heard: her saying ‘I love you’ and them talking ‘Boy, I’m gonna miss you.’ ‘I’m gonna miss you too…’ It was both beautiful and painful, looking back at so many memories. He missed her, he missed her so much… And how could he ever forget her, when everything inside him kept screaming her name?